"You need to focus on your art."
This is what my husband says to me the other day.
I have my computer on my lap and am ferociously typing away at something that's intended to be a new blog post. A very good one, I might add, on the artistic identity of christians. yes YES! An intriguing blog post that was suppose to go up last week…. but, didn't.
He says, focus on painting.
I frown inside. Can't he see I'm hard at work? Hard at putting my genius into words so that all the nameless, faceless people out there in need of it could be satiated!? Lives made better because I hit publish!! Psh!!
And I go back to my typing.
External frowney face.
Does he have a point?
I set out a little over two months ago on a journey to make myself a sustainable living as an artist; to really give it a go and see if I have what it takes. I set out to rebuild a website, start a business, and finally share my paintings with the world. (wah-lah!)
Wrapped up in all this setting-out was the idea that I needed to start this here amazing blog. A blog that explored all the things. A blog that offered more than just one woman's opinion. And, it would be glorious.
Because the truth is, I do love to write. In fact, for a long time I questioned whether I was a painter, or a writer. My sketchbooks and journals were full of words, not images. When I had an idea, I didn't draw it, I wrote it. I obviously don't have a problem with writing, I don't. I enjoy writing. All kinds too. I like nerdy academic writing, informative writing, creative story writing, poems, persuasive, and how-to writing. I like exploring psychology and theology and art and life. And I want to author a blog that does aaaallllll that and more.
Except that, painting pictures is what I want to do first. Its my priority, my passion.
So, when my husband says to me, paint first. Well, crap.
If I wanted to write all these things and present new material and helpful conversation to the wide world out there, I would have to spend a significant amount of time doing it. And, in case you didn't know, time is my arch-nemesis and a stingy bastard, ruthlessly frugal. I'm always bargaining for more. Not to mention, any blog post you read on how to start a blog will give you the same advice: always treat it like a full time job. FULL. TIME. JOB.
Makes sense. Good blogging takes research and time to build, edit, format, and post. Good bloggers spend their days working on quality blogs. Which, is all well and good until you factor in my itsy little problem: I already have a full time job! Or, at least I'm working hard to create one. Kat Renee, self-employed artist and illustrator! Is that so hard to understand?
But it wasn't my husband who was misunderstanding, it was me. My husband was right (don't tell him I said so) because he understood more than I did in that moment, that my goal is not to be a blogger. My goal is to be a painter. And reaching that goal requires I be focused on my painting. Thank God for him, whose willing to keep me on track and push me to chase the dream.
So the moral of today's story!?
Prioritize more than your daily tasks and responsibilities, prioritize you desires and dreams. A day may come when you have to pick, even temporarily, one over the other. Choose now which one it will be, so that when the time does come, you know.
And then, pray like crazy you'll have enough life left in you after the first, to see to the second, and maybe even the third.
Its no understatement to say the world is full of many wonderful things and we can't possibly experience them all. Instead, we choose which ones we can't imagine living without. For me, when it came to picking between writing that awesome blog on the identity crises of christian artists, and painting… well, I think you know which one I picked.
At least, for now…...